THIS IS A GOODBYE

 

Endings aren’t great. Some say they are means to new beginnings but statistically speaking most endings are always sad. They are almost always unannounced. Unpredictable. Very hard to accept, hard to cope with, to understand, to justify.

But promise me.

Just this one thing.

If we ever end. Be it a relationship, or a friendship.

And become these people that used to know each other. People that have a few inside jokes, a few moments of belly-deep laughter, a few intense moments, all buried between them.  People that know how you take your coffee and know what makes you feel better on a 3 am night when nothing feels right. People that know your fears and yet opened their arms, people that know your worst and opened their hearts. Without judgement.

I hope you remember the warmth as we sat beside each other. The kind that made me lean just a little bit closer. I hope you remember the peace. I hope you remember how soft I was. Pliant, delicate, and breakable. But only for you though. Only for you. Remember the way I looked at you from the passenger seat. Remember the way you felt every time we’d meet.

 

If we ever become these people who walk out of the room to avoid each other or smile a perfectly practised twist of the lips to walk the line of polite but fuck you.

 

I hope you remember the beginning before we get to the goodbye. I hope you remember the days we held each other for strength. I hope you remember that it was always your name on my phone when it rained. I hope you remember that it wasn’t always like this.

 

That it was easy and worth it.

That it was happy.

And so were we.

While it lasted.

 

I hope you remember that even if the ending was meant to be.

To me, the beginning was always worth it.