Why do I write ?

Once upon a time, on the same planet we all live on, I came into existence. Wasn't really my choice but hey, it really isn't anyones. Like everyone else, I too stumbled through life. I’ve had my incredibly stupid moments, emotional breakdowns, happiest days of life and whatever else. I’ve always felt I could do more, be more. Not more in the sense of getting my life together but more in the way of feeling. My head is a weird place to survive in, not gonna lie, it's fifty different trains of thought, all running together, all leaving the station late and all of them narrowly avoiding each other. I'm talking extremely narrow here, a hair's breadth narrow. In this continuous cacophony of anxiety, dissociation, anger, sadness, curiosity and whatever else, there is one space. One space where when I look at a word, or a picture or feel something in a weirdly specific way and words align themselves into sentences in my head. Sentences that rhyme themselves in a poem. I swear, I don't do it consciously, it just happens. 

I write because it comes to me. These words just turn into poetry in my head and I want to say it out loud because this is me. I saw something and I'm feeling this and I want to show it to you. I want to show it to you desperately, not because I need your validation, approval or appreciation. I want to share this feeling with someone.  Maybe it also has a lot to do with abandonment issues, i don't want to be here alone feeling this. So here, read this and tell me you feel something close if not the same. Please, I don't want to stand alone in this feeling. I don't want to be the only one experiencing all this, it makes me feel too much of everything. It's comforting to know that maybe I'm not the only one feeling like this. 

It doesn't matter if I'm screaming, crying, laughing, dancing or falling. I want to hold your hand and drag you there with me because this is how I express myself. My mouth will make jokes out of my insecurities and laugh away the sadness. I’ll say I'm fine a hundred thousand times just to make you believe I am but when I'm dragging you by the hand to show you what I’ve written I hope you follow me because that is the true manifestation of how I'm feeling. I don't know how else to tell people how I feel because I've trained my mouth to say I'm okay till it bleeds and now it puts other people first with no regard to my needs. 

The next time I show you a screenshot of something I've written I hope you remember this because I've taken the finest of titanium to raise my walls as high as they can go but the  poetry I put before you is the only chink in my armour that I'm willing to show.