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 What do I call this ?



I feel it right here in my heart. It does not rattle against my chest like anger. It just settles around my lungs like a dense fog. Kind of like the fog high up in the mountains, thats cold, heavy and takes your breath away. This feels the same, except it doesn't make me happy. It sits in my chest like an unwelcome visitor spreading numbness from my fingertips to my toes. I don't want to colour it blue, it does not make me sad, I still laugh. It feels like a mild electric current is running underneath my skin. My hands are a little shaky and my mouth is stuttering the words I want to articulate. I’ve always wondered what a heart attack feels like, maybe this is how it does? I don't know. It does not bloom like happiness, neither does it crawl like sadness. It just glides, you know? Effortlessly, making everything difficult to do. Sometimes I want to bang against my ribs to make sure my heart is still beating even though I can hear it thump. I don't have a name for whatever this is, except that i want to understand it so that i can comfort it. I want to learn why it is radiating isolation like an electric field around me. Why it is making it harder for me to breathe. Have you ever felt like this ? Do you have a name for it? Please tell me.

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